You’re NOT Lazy: ADHD Motivation & Executive Dysfunction in Real Life
How to Work With Your Brain, Not Against It
⚠️ Need a heads-up? This post takes about 6 minutes to read silently (or 12–13 aloud).
If you made it to this post today, you’re already more motivated than you think.
That’s not sarcasm, it’s neurodivergent realism. Reading a blog post might seem like no big deal to some people, but if you’re here, you probably know it took a little bit of focus, some scrolling past distractions, and maybe a minor inner debate between this and a game on your phone. I get it, because I live it too.
This post is written for ADHD adults (and other neurodivergent folks) who are tired of feeling like motivation is some elusive unicorn. Whether you're working from home with no set schedule, parenting tiny humans, or just trying to remember if you brushed your teeth today, you’re in the right place. And bonus: you may notice the text here is a little different (If you are viewing on your PC) because this post has had Bionic Reading integrated to make it easier on your brain to get through all of this great information!
ADHD and Motivation: The Superpower With a Catch
ADHD is often described as a superpower. And sure, sometimes it is. When you’re hyperfocused, you're unstoppable. You're efficient, creative, and brilliant. But when you're not? You're stuck in a doomscroll haze wearing the same sweatshirt you slept in three days ago. It’s a double-edged sword.
For many of us, it’s not the “doing” that’s the hard part, it’s the starting. Or the transitioning. Or the finishing. It’s being stuck in this liminal space between intention and execution, like standing on a suspension bridge. Doing nothing feels oddly stable. Doing everything feels strangely possible. But that middle section, the balance point, is wobbly AF. The trick is learning to find some stillness there. And there’s a great view if you can manage not to fall off!
All or Nothing Thinking: The Shame Trap
One of the most common traps I see in my Neurodivergent clients (and myself) is black-and-white thinking.
“If I can’t clean the whole house, I won’t bother cleaning at all.” “If I can’t do a full 30-minute workout, why bother moving?” “If I can’t focus enough to do the entire project, I'll just avoid it completely.”
It feels logical in the moment. But all it really does is stack shame on top of overwhelm. And then we get stuck in this internal monologue that says, “Why can’t I just be normal?”
Let me be clear: there is nothing wrong with your brain. You’re just playing by someone else’s rulebook. Let’s rewrite a few pages.
Do Just Enough and Let That Be Enough
One of the most powerful shifts I’ve made is allowing myself to do just one thing or one category of a task, and then giving myself permission to let that be enough.
The kitchen’s a disaster? I throw away a few wrappers, paper plates, napkins. That’s it. There’s a sink full of dishes? I wash a single pan. Too exhausted to fold the whole basket of laundry? I just take out the socks. Or fold three shirts. That counts towards the whole.
Sometimes, that little action leads to more action, you find that momentum was all you needed and now you’re off to the races! Sometimes, it doesn’t, and that’s okay too. Either way, it’s less shame-inducing than doing nothing. And it gives future-you one less thing to deal with.
Task Pairing & Body Doubling
If you're unfamiliar with task pairing, it's basically matching something you don’t want to do with something you do. Examples:
Fold laundry while watching your favorite show
Do wall sits while scrolling your notifications
Send voice memos while going for a walk
Water your plants while listening to an audiobook
This works because it layers a dopamine-rewarding activity with a task that might otherwise feel boring or painful. Win-win.
And then there’s body doubling, which is like having a productivity buddy. My daughter will FaceTime with a friend, and they’ll silently do homework together. I sometimes have my husband or kids tag along and talk to me about their day or their interests while I work on something that would otherwise be boring and demanding. Even when I enjoy the task, I sometimes need that little bit of extra stimulation to pull the trigger to do it.
Working From Home: Freedom or Free Fall?
If you’re a work-from-home ADHD adult, you know that flexible hours can be both a blessing and a curse. Without external accountability, it’s easy to drift. There’s no built-in transition time like a commute. There’s no boss hovering or coworkers watching. It’s just you, your endless to-do list, and probably a half-drunk cup of coffee from this morning that you keep heating back up, which can be a welcome distraction when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the timelines and boredom.
Create anchors. Use visual timers. Task boards. Set pretend deadlines. My favorite trick? Self-competition. In grad school, I used to eat a gummy bear after each chunk of reading. Sometimes, I'd push past the line a bit just to see if I could. It’s me vs. me, and I like winning.
I used this same trick when I was running regularly: “I'll stop at that mailbox.” Then I'd get there and say, “Okay, maybe that one.” This is not about pushing to the point of injury, just gently challenging yourself to see what you’re capable of today. It becomes a beautiful reminder that you CAN push through on the days when you don’t feel like you can.
The Finch App (Changed My Life)
(I am not sponsored by Finch, but listen, if they ever want to partner, my inbox is open! wink wink!)
This app is a cross between a self-care tracker, a pet-raising game, and a motivational checklist for neurodivergent people. And it works. I've used it every single day for over a year, through holidays, vacations, sick days, toddler meltdowns, my own meltdowns, all of it. I've never had that kind of consistency with anything before. That’s how you know it’s good!
It helps me set microgoals like “get out of bed,” “drink water,” “move your body,” and yes, “brainstorm blog post topics.” I check them off, and I feel like I'm winning. Because I am.
Add to that the subtle excitement of taking your birb travelling, teaching them things, earning points, raising micropets to follow them around, putting cute outfits on them, and decorating their little room! Squee!! And oh, let’s not forget that each month starts over with a new theme of items to unlock, keeping that novelty machine that neurodivergent people love going strong!
I could go on and on, but for now, I'm just saying take a look and see if it could work for you too.
Task-Switching: Why It Feels Like You Did Nothing
A common ADHD complaint: "I spent all day cleaning, and it looks like I did nothing!”
Let me guess, That’s because you probably started cleaning your bathroom, found a cup, brought it to the kitchen, saw dishes, started organizing Tupperware, then remembered you left laundry in the washer and now you’re in the garage for some reason… what the hell? Or maybe you hyperfixate on organizing your “dumb shit drawer” so elaborately, and then when the day is over you sit down and look around and… nothing significant has changed. Defeated. All that energy and nothing big to show for it.
This is classic ND brain behavior. You’re not doing nothing, you’re doing fragments of everything. The fix? Containerize your zones. Stop the scatter. We'll get there in a second...
Doom Piles Are a Coping Mechanism (and a Clue)
First of all, if you’ve got one, or five, you’re not alone. In her book How to Keep House While Drowning, KC Davis gave language to something many of us were already doing: making piles of stuff we intend to deal with... eventually... maybe... hopefully when we have the brain for it.
These piles aren’t emblems of laziness. They’re a coping tool. They’re a visual processing strategy. They help us:
Keep things from spreading all over the place
Group like-with-like so we don’t lose track
Pause and prioritize when our executive function is taxed
So if you’ve got a pile, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means your brain needed a bookmark. But what do you do with them once the time comes to deal with them?
Here's what I recommend:
Label It (Mentally or Literally)
Sometimes the pile represents an unfinished story. Is it “stuff I didn’t know what to do with”? “Items from the car I brought in but didn’t sort”? “Things I need to deal with when I have energy”? You can even write this on a sticky note and put it on the pile. Giving it a name creates a little distance between you and the mess.
Set a Microgoal Instead of “handle the pile,” try:
“I’m going to sort out just the trash.”
“I'll take out anything that belongs in the bathroom.”
“I'll move the whole pile to a basket so I can at least walk through this room again.” That’s a win. Celebrate it.
Use a Timer or a Playlist
Put on one song. Set a 5-minute timer. Let the goal be not completion, but movement. The pile isn’t your enemy; it’s just waiting for a little leadership.
Pair It or Body Double It
Text a friend and say, “I’m going to try and tackle this pile for 10 minutes, wanna do a parallel task with me?” Or call someone. Or ask a partner to sit near you. You don’t need pressure, just presence.
The Big-Light House Sweep (My Original ADHD Cleaning Hack)
This one’s mine, and I swear by it.
Here’s how it works:
Turn on all the big overhead lights in the house, or at least the areas that need work (yes, even the ones you usually hiss at, that’s part of the process!).
Start at one end of the house (or chosen area).
Work room by room. Master bath, to master bedroom, to hallway, to living room, etc. just imagine you are working from one side of the house to the other.
Only turn off the big light when that space is done. Ahh, relief!
Additionally, to combat the task-switching or house hopping, I adapt KC Davis’ doom pile idea by scooching them just outside the active space. Bathroom pile? It goes in the bedroom until I'm done with the bathroom. Bedroom pile? It goes in the hallway until I'm done with the bedroom, and so on. That way, I'm not bouncing between zones and getting lost.
If a pile starts to overflow, I equip my theoretical blinders and move it:
Trash full? Set it outside and grab a new bag . Back to your active room.
Dishes? When I hit the kitchen, I integrate everything I gathered during the sweep. And push the other piles along to the next area I will work on.
This system makes the whole house feel like it’s exhaling room by room. And as each big light goes off, I feel calmer, clearer, and weirdly proud of myself.
Start With a Win
This one is simple, and a great addition to your to do list or Finch app: put something on your checklist that you either already did or always do and never need a reminder for.
Mine? “Get out of bed.” I check it off every morning. Instant dopamine. I've already won. 5 points to me!
Parenting While Neurodivergent
Let’s be real: if you’re ND, there’s a high chance your kids are too. If one parent has ADHD, your child has about a 50% chance of having it too. And if both parents are ND? The odds increase substantially.
This can make parenting tricky, especially when you’re asking your kid to do something that you struggle with yourself. But instead of the old “do as I say, not as I do” (gag!), try this:
Model it. Process it out loud:
Say things like, "Oops, I just interrupted you while you were talking. I've been working on that, let me try again.” Or “I know I asked you to clean your room, and mine’s a mess. Let’s both do one small thing and check in.”
This builds trust. It helps your kid feel seen. And it teaches self-compassion by showing it, not preaching it. This becomes the internal narrative and the grace with themselves that they inherit!
The Effort Gap and Shame Spiral
I've heard it said that what looks like 80% effort for a neurotypical person might require 115% from a neurodivergent one. The numbers vary depending on the source, but the feeling? SO Accurate.
ND people are often pushing WAY harder than others realize, just to keep up with the minimum. That discrepancy between effort and outcome can cause a huge shame spiral. “Why can’t I just...?” “How is everyone else doing this so easily?”
The truth is: They’re just not wired like you. And you don’t need to be wired like them. Denying your differentness doesn’t resolve it, it just perpetuates the shame spiral, and boo, you don’t deserve that! You are what you are, just a person on a different operating system than the rest. And remember that this isn’t just a one-way street, they may struggle in ways that you excel!
You’re Not Lazy
Lazy is a four-letter word to many of us ND people. And it’s one a lot of us have heard used too many times about us. It feels like a personal insult more than just an adjective.
But here’s the thing: Laziness implies comfort. Enjoyment. Intentionally choosing rest. Executive dysfunction is different. It’s standing still with the engine running. It’s wanting to act and feeling like you can’t possibly.
You’re not lazy. You’re overwhelmed. You’re distracted. You’re dysregulated. You’re tired. You’re carrying invisible effort that most people can’t see.
Please, I beg you, stop holding yourself to a neurotypical standard when you aren’t neurotypical. I believe that too often, this is the source of the shame spiral and the grief that comes with neurodivergence: Choosing to power through the disparity rather than just acknowledging it and adjusting in the way that works best for you.
Did you ever consider that you’re not a weird Horse, you’re a Zebra?!
Final Notes
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. And you are absolutely not lazy. Let’s keep figuring out what does work, rather than shaming ourselves for what doesn’t, okay?
I would be so stoked to hear from other ND people who have made it all the way here to the end of this post. Tell me what YOU do! What are your tricks and hacks for working your way through the world? Is there anything here you’re gonna try, and if you do will you please share how it’s working for you?!
I love you all, and I hope this has helped you!