If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly “in trouble”

with people you love, or like one sideways glance can ruin your whole day, you’re not alone. For some of us, the combination of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and living with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is… a lot. And by “a lot,” I mean: exhausting, confusing, and sometimes downright painful.

What It Means to Be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Being highly sensitive doesn’t mean you cry at every Military Homecoming video (though, no judgment if you do, because same same). It means your nervous system is wired to pick up on subtleties that other people miss.

HSP traits often include:

Processing things deeply (you replay conversations in 4K detail).
Feeling emotions intensely (other people’s moods can hit you like a freight train).
Sensory sensitivity (that buzzing fluorescent light? unbearable).
Getting overstimulated more easily than others.

It’s not a flaw. HSPs are often empathetic, creative, intuitive, and thoughtful. But it can make day-to-day life overwhelming when the volume is turned up this high all the time.

What Is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)?

Now, let’s add RSD to the mix. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is a term often used in connection with ADHD and AuDHD. It’s the experience of intense emotional pain when you think (or fear) you’ve been criticized, rejected, or even just not included.

It doesn’t even have to be real rejection either; the perception alone can send you spiraling.

Examples might include:

Your boss says, “Can I see you in my office?” and you immediately assume you’re fired.
A friend doesn’t text back for a few hours, and your brain decides they secretly hate you.
A partner sighs, and you spend the next hour replaying everything you said that day.

When RSD hits, it feels physical. It’s not just embarrassment or sadness; it can feel like your whole chest caves in.

When HSP and RSD Collide

Being highly sensitive means you already pick up on every tone shift, every micro-expression, every slight change in someone’s energy. Add RSD on top, and suddenly every eyebrow raise feels like a thunderclap of rejection and shame.

Here’s what that can look like:

At work: Your boss sends a short email with no emojis. You reread it 17 times, convinced you’re in trouble.
In friendships: A canceled plan feels like proof you’re unlovable, even if the reason was totally legit.
In relationships or parenting: A partner or teen rolling their eyes feels like you’ve failed them, not just like… normal human behavior.

It’s a double-whammy: the sensitivity makes you notice everything, and the RSD convinces you it all means you’re being rejected.

The Cost of Living This Way

When your nervous system is this dialed-in, it’s hard to feel safe in your own skin. The long-term effects can include:

Perfectionism: “If I do everything flawlessly, maybe no one will reject me.”
People-pleasing: “If I never rock the boat, I’ll stay safe.”
Avoidance or withdrawal: “If I don’t try, I can’t fail.”
Erosion of self-esteem: Over time, every perceived rejection feels like proof you’re not good enough.

Tools to Cope and Build Self-Esteem

1. Name It to Tame It

Just knowing that HSP and RSD are things can be a relief. You’re not dramatic, broken, or weak; your nervous system is just tuned a little differently. Naming it helps you separate you from the reaction.

2. Reality-Check Your Interpretations

When you feel that “in trouble” sensation, pause and ask:

What’s the actual objective evidence that I’ve been rejected or criticized?
Are there other possible explanations? (They’re tired, they had a long day, they forgot the emoji).

3. Catch the Micro-Wins

Every day, jot down (or add to your notes app, or record yourself saying it, whatever you think will work best for you) at least one example of you showing up well, be that as a friend, worker, partner, parent, or simply human. Over time, you’ll have a “paper trail” of evidence that you’re doing better than your inner critic gives you credit for.

4. Practice Compassionate Self-Talk

If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. Try phrases like:

“I’m safe/okay even if someone’s upset with me.”
“One interaction doesn’t define my worth.”
“It’s okay to be sensitive, it’s part of my strength.”

5. Regulate First, Ruminate Later (or not at all)

Big emotional hits need nervous system care. Before you spiral: move your body, do a grounding exercise, breathe, splash water on your face, or step outside. Regulate first, then decide if there’s actually anything to “figure out.”

*A great source of grounding and calming techniques is this post I wrote about building an Anxiety First Aid Kit.

6. Re-Author the Story

Shift from “I’m in trouble” to “I’m a steady, safe base, even when people around me are moody or pulling away.” Or “I act in good faith, if I mess up I can own it, it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.” Writing (or even speaking aloud) these reframes over time can help reshape the default narrative.

Sensitive & Spiraling: When Being a Highly Sensitive Person Meets Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria