Why self-talk isn’t just talk and how to stop cursing yourself with old stories

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like...
*I’m just bad at relationships.*
*I’ll never be the kind of person who stays organized.*
*I’m too much.*
*I’m not enough.*

Those thoughts don’t always scream at us. Sometimes they whisper. They feel familiar. Almost like facts. But what if they aren’t true? Or at least... not the only truth?

This post is about those sneaky inner narratives, limiting beliefs, and what happens when we start to question them. Because just like we learned them, we can unlearn them too.

What Are Limiting Beliefs?

Limiting beliefs are like invisible fences. They shape the way we move through life, often without us realizing it. They sound like:

“I’m terrible with money.”
“I’m just not cut out for love.”
“I’ll never be successful because I’m not motivated enough.”
“That’s just how I am.”

Sometimes we say them so often that we stop even noticing them... they just become the background noise of our internal world. They also love to jump into high gear when we are in our feelings or in the midst of a meltdown. And don’t even get me started on the impact our hormones have here!

But here’s the thing: those beliefs didn’t just show up one day for no reason. Most of the time, they came from somewhere. A moment. A comment. A pattern. A survival skill, or even a hand-me-down from a caregiver. And what may have helped us stay safe back then might be keeping us small now.

How These Beliefs Get In

They’re sneaky. Sometimes they come from:

Family dynamics (“We don’t talk about feelings,” or “You’re the smart one, not the emotional one.”)
School or peer experiences (The one time you raised your hand and got laughed at... and never volunteered again.)
Systemic messages (Fatphobia, racism, ableism, classism; these things live in us, whether we invited them in or not.)
Religious or spiritual shame (Beliefs about being selfish, flawed, or never doing enough.)
Masking or burnout if you’re neurodivergent (Internalizing that the world wasn’t built to fit you... and assuming that means you’re broken.)

Many of our limiting beliefs were once helpful adaptations. They helped us survive by keeping us in line with what felt safe in our environments. But surviving is different than thriving.

The Words We Say to Ourselves (Are We Casting “Spells”?)

You don’t have to be into magic or mysticism to understand or appreciate this... but you could already be “casting spells” on yourself, your future, and your progeny every day.

Not with candles or cauldrons, just with repetition.

Your brain listens to the things you say most often. And the more you repeat something, the more your brain builds little neural highways around that belief.
That’s neuroscience.
(and lowkey, it’s also kind of witchy.)

There’s a term for this: confirmation bias. It means your brain is constantly scanning the world for evidence that supports what you already believe... and kind of ignoring the rest, or at the very least giving it far less air time.

So if you’re walking around thinking, “I’m boring,” you’re going to remember the moment someone looked at their phone while you were talking... and completely miss the three people who told you you’re fun to talk to.

Your brain is basically saying, “Got it, you think this is true? Let me help you find proof.”

That’s why self-talk is powerful and it matters. It’s not just fluffy affirmation stuff. It’s pattern recognition. It’s rewiring. It’s your brain getting on board with a new story.

EMDR: Healing the Root

Sometimes these beliefs aren’t just habits of thought. They’re wired into us because of something we lived through. A memory. An experience. A message that just stuck.

This is where EMDR therapy can come in.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps us process those “stuck” memories in a way that lets your brain file them away properly. If you’ve ever thought, “Intellectually, I know that belief isn’t true, but I still feel it in my bones”, that’s great EMDR territory.

Let’s say you come in believing, “I’m not lovable.”
We trace that back to where that message started... Whose voice is saying that? It may just be your own, but maybe it was a parent who was emotionally distant or a breakup that left a deep wound. Or maybe it’s the voice of a teacher or a peer.
We use bilateral stimulation (an alternating pattern of stimulus on either side of your body) to process that experience until it doesn’t hold the same weight or sting. It isn’t about forgetting it altogether; it’s all about helping it to take up less space in our hearts, minds, and belief systems.

And then we install a new truth, something like, “I am worthy of love and connection.”
But this time... your whole nervous system believes it too.

EMDR doesn’t just change your mind. It helps change your felt sense of self. That’s what makes it such a powerful tool for working through limiting beliefs as well as traumatic experiences.

(For a more detailed look at EMDR, you can read about it HERE )

Tools to Start Shifting the Script

You don’t need to be in therapy to begin this work of challenging limiting beliefs (though it definitely helps). Here are a few ways to start shifting those old narratives.

Try These Journal Prompts:

“What’s something I’ve always said about myself that might not actually be true?”
“When did I first start thinking that?”
“What would I say to someone I love who said this about themselves?”

Rescripting these old narratives might look like going from...
“I’m terrible with money,”
to
“I didn’t have models for financial health growing up, but I’m learning.”

Or from...
“I’m just not lovable,”
to
“That belief started when I was trying to earn love. I don’t have to earn it anymore.”

Practice Thought Interruptions In The Moment

These are little mental nudges you can use when a limiting belief pops up:

“Is that really true?”
“Where did I learn that?”
“What else could be true?”

You’re not trying to start an inner battle or argue with yourself per se. The mission is to begin by just cracking the door open. a gentle challenge to yourself, approached with grace.

Mirror Work or Voice Notes

Yes, it feels awkward at first. But talking to yourself with kindness out loud can be more powerful than you think. Shutting down the inner monologue is tough sometimes, Like “Don’t think about Elephants” kind of tough. That’s why bringing the “conversation” outside intentionally can be so helpful. Try saying these in the mirror or onto a voice note:

“You’re allowed to grow.”
“You’re not lazy, you’re overwhelmed.”
“You’re doing the best you can with what you have.”

Gently Manifesting (No Vision Board Required)

You don’t have to believe in manifesting to benefit from noticing what your brain filters in. Maybe for you it’s more like prayer, or meditation. The fact of the matter is, whatever your format here, whatever you call this part is yours, but the principles are sound.

Try these:

“Show me how good it can get.”
“I’m open to seeing things differently.”
“I trust that healing is possible for me.”

These little shifts aren’t just hopeful, they’re practical. They make space for new outcomes to show up and feel real. Swinging back to this idea of confirmation bias, if you can shift your belief, even a little bit, your brain wants to find confirmation of that the same way it has been looking for confirmation of all your negative beliefs.

A Note on Shame and Systems

Let’s be real: not everything that feels limiting is a mindset problem. Some things are systemic. Some things are just legitimately hard. If you’re dealing with real barriers (financial, cultural, medical, neurobiological), you’re not broken. The systems you have in place or are a part of may just be a “bad fit” for you.

Changing your self-talk won’t erase those barriers. But it might change how you carry them and your perspectives on these parts of your world. It might soften the shame. And that’s not nothing. That’s actually a whole lot!

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck

Limiting beliefs often start as protection. They try to keep us safe. But safe isn’t the same as free.

If there’s a belief that feels especially sticky, that’s a sign of where you’re ready to grow next (For more on these transitional periods of growth, check out my blog post about Liminal Spaces HERE). And you don’t have to muscle through it alone. You can ask for help. You can heal. You can begin to shift. The idea that it’s just always been this way, so I’ve got to deal with it is a logical fallacy, not a fact.

And most of all... You can talk to yourself like you’re someone worth rooting for.

Because you are.

The Things We Tell Ourselves: Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs